Why do I do this work? Because 5 years ago I was vulnerable, isolated, overwhelmed, and deeply deeply anxious. I was on a fast track to antidepressants and a label of PND. Then I walked into a room filled with breastfeeding Mothers, with my formula fed baby and for the first time instead of hearing “don’t try to relactate, it will make you feel worse when you fail.” I heard “You are a wonderful mother doing your best and we are here to support you whatever happens.” Instead of being given depression scores to fill in, I was filled up with tea and empathy. Instead of being spoken to about how a happy Mummy makes a happy baby and 2 weeks of breastfeeding was more than enough anyway, I was listened to, and my sadness, grief, and determination to try again were heard.
And then, 2 years later when I was back with another baby – this time one that just would not latch, I was welcomed with open arms, warmth, listening, and love. Instead of being told pumping is unsustainable, I was told I was awesome. Instead of being told formula would make my baby more settled, I heard “we are right here with you however this pans out.” When I cried as though my heart was being pulled from my body – I was held – both by warm hands on mine, and by the warmth of genuine listening.
And as time went on, and I spent more time holding and listening, than of being held and heard, I learnt that the gift of breastfeeding support isn’t really about the latching or the hours of sleep. Its about women being allowed to tell their stories without fear of judgement. Its about feeling safe enough to bring your fear and to show up in your darkest hour, with your heart exposed because you know that the person sitting next to you will do nothing more, or less, than hold that safe space while you do the work of feeling and exploring.
When we become Mothers we are newly born, just like our babies. Our maiden selves die in childbirth and we give birth to our Mother selves. We have to feel our way into life as The Mother, just like our babies have to feel their way into life outside of the womb. Our babies have the warmth of our bodies, our voices, our heartbeat to help them adjust. Few of us have the nurturing we need to also adjust. Breastfeeding support scoops us up, where we are, and holds us tight while we take our first tentative steps as a newly born Mother. With nothing more than tea, listening, and a little bit of knowledge, we see women become transformed into confident, empowered Mothers who then go on to fill other women up with confidence and empowerment. And THAT is what I call magic. And its why I do what I do.
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